I wanted to write something about how we should stick to what we believe in, because life always turns out different than the general opinion thinks it’s going to play out. If you love something, stick with it, but I’ll save that speech for later. Today life came cycling through (‘cycling through’ is a Dutch expression).
At moments I am turning into a negative person, or at least, what I think is negative and we are having irritation moments at the office, we play this song called ‘I have a very hard life’. It’s from a Dutch comedian Brigitte Kaandorp. She sings about how difficult her life is, how she is tired all the time and how people always count on her, but she can’t make it, because she is too tired. Of course she is not being serious.
That’s the whole thing, sometimes you have to see things in perspective. What we have to deal with in our ‘developed’ European style day to day life, is so trivial. Singing this song reminds me of that in a very humorous way. I love it.
This morning I got up and flipped my daily inspiration calender from Flow Magazine to find this amazing quote. I think it is very important to lose the fear of being wrong, because it can paralyze us. It can make us into a deer looking into the headlights of an approaching car. Stiffened in the middle of the road with the idea of no escape eating away the brain. I guess you get the gist. It happens to me sometimes, when things seem too big to handle. Too scary, because the future is so uncontrollable. And there are always people voting against your new and greatest plan.
I read this post from the Elephant talking about how we should invest in the heart space. Alright, it didn’t exactly say that, but I would like to take that with me. To open the heart is to love and love is what I need in days of insecurity and periods. When we love ourselves and others, we are more open for other ideas, opinions and inspiration, without losing track of our own values, ideas and greatness. From that post, I made:
That’s all I have to say!
Self love is probably the most elusive little bastard that exists (said in those words by the wonderful Ruby Etc). The last couple of days I feel ugly, alone and unloved. Or at least these moments occurred more often than on normal days. It limits me in all, because I think nobody will ever like what I do because I am too ugly. We will never succeed in setting up our diy platform because am I not worth the success.
Those are moments I have to work extra hard to remember the moment I floated in the water just off Cayo Jutias in Cuba. The sea was carrying me and the sun was warming my skin. I felt happy and I realized you don’t have to be anything (smart, beautiful, loved) to enjoy these moments, to enjoy life! We might not succeed but we had a whole lot of fun doing our diy-projects. And if we have anything, it is our creativity and our courage to set foot on this vessel of entrepreneurship. If we trust in ourselves, we will be more creative and we will enjoy the process more. Or even to the fullest.
Today I preach self love.
I know, it’s still early to write about commitment. Very crying out loud, it’s day two! But! I do feel guilty sometimes when I want to work on something l like because I grew up being a pleaser. And along with that comes along the feeling that I have to commit to other people’s dream, ambitions and plans, but that makes me useful. While I just sometimes want to lay on the couch, with my little blanket, with a bucket of candy, with some sorry ass for a movie. Just Because I Can. And even when I am writing for my blog, which I love by the way, but it is all for me. me me me And well, that’s not allowed! So sometimes there is a fight going on. The guilty-feeling-me and the passion-me. Passion-me is on a winner streak.
If someone in the Universe is sending me a message on how I should not post this nice little thing I made (yes you might call it a baby, but it’s not actually a baby), well, screw you. Here the start of my new project, of which I hope it will last 365 days. I should commit, maybe that’s something to work on. Commitment. For now we’ll work on saying ‘fuck it’!
Oh, I just want to keep blogging, but I have to remind myself I don’t have to write important and interesting essays everyday. So today I want to start something afresh and share my creative moment of the day. I live to make collages and today I made this:
Hopefully it turns out to be a 365 project. Fingers crossed!
The other day I was reading an article on The Elephant (forgive me for not adding the link yet, I am traveling) from a massage therapist on how our body tells us the story we hold inside ourselves. We can say we are happy and relaxed, but if we pitch our high voices and bite down hard with our teeth, we should know what time it is.
The same is true about creativity and letting the true inspiration flow through our body (sorry if I sound vague). The thing is, if you are honest with yourself you will know when you are pushing yourself or when you climb naturally to higher spheres of creativity. Or, to be more practical, when we start to think ‘why isn’t this coming the way I had it in my head’, we are pushing ourselves to make something that isn’t naturel. Just start afresh, close your eyes and listen to what your body has to tell you. Even if it tells you to stand on your head first, why not do that (unless you might actually put yourself in danger, best not to do it then)? But! Don’t listen to the voice, listen to your body.
Or, what I hear way too often, you think you are not creative enough, or you might even think you draw like a toddler. Your mind has a strong influence on your body, if you think you draw like a toddler, you probably will (also called the self fulfilling prophecy). The body gets locked up because of thoughts that put ourselves down. But nine out of ten times we are not fully aware of our body. How can we decide to bring across a powerful, playful or artistic message when we are bodily still in our shy, ‘I am not creative’ manner?
I, for example, walk with my shoulders bent forward and my back a bit bent as well. How disrespectful towards my own body. Not showing my breasts (as in, giving them the space they want), straining my back and keeping my muscles weak. How will I ever be able to bring a strong (or my strongest) message into the world when I am not really showing myself? When my body is not strong?
So I am trying to be conscious on how my back is and where my boobs are (there I said it), so that I can at least show my true self as I really am. I am working towards making this also a consious exercise when I am making collages or writing. At least my body will be up for the work, I just have to turn my thoughts off.
I think you will find the real you inside your creative work. But. There are some other moments you will get to know the real you:
- Moving from one house to another
- Chores, especially chores that have to do with moving
- Content migration
Seriously, I have spend the most of yesterday evening working on the new DIY website for the Dutch market. Finally, it’s (almost) finished, but oh my, the dark side showed itself. Don’t come close when I have to wait for content to migrate and find out that the pictures are NOT migrated. (After the installation of the theme failed TWICE and getting WordPress.org in the right folder on the ftp-server, nothing goes automatic this time around. *I am not flying towards the roof, I am a zen-master*)
But now, I am all calm and quiet again. I even had time to read of my fellow bloggers posts! I liked in particular:
The Barbeque – a short but fun read
To Respond or Not To Respond – a very recognizable piece on changing your mind
The Shock of The New – very nice to look with a strangers eye, as an anthropologist I like this way of looking at the entire world, even my own town (which can be hard, we all suffer from ‘going native’)