During the week I receive a few mails of Human Business Works. Some are selly sells (they are very upfront about that), others are more inspirational. Since I have little money to spare, I am looking forward to the inspirational mails most of all. I would like to do a course when I get back from my travels and made my first success with my own business. Today an inspirational e-mail was send by Rob Hatch. It touched a point that sounded so true, I had to share.
Rob Hatch talks about the difference between an approach and a systems. An approach being more flexible. It’s something you own. While a system offers perhaps more stability, it doesn’t allow for context driven adjustment. He quoted his son who had just read the book ‘On writing’ by Stephen King:
In your (Stephen King’s) book, I thought the rules were specific, but open to creative flexibility. This is something that will not force me to improve, but inspires me to force myself to improve. That is something I like to have, something to push me to take responsibility for myself and get something done.
When I look back at my student days, these were exactly the teachers with whom I scored the highest points; the ones that inspired to push me to take responsibility for myself and get something done. With the ones that set the rules and laid out the system, and graded accordingly, I scored (very) low points, because I am not that good in doing exactly what the other want. To think exactly like the other. I have to be free in order to succeed. Apparently.
That’s why it still feels good that I choose for myself and decided to become an entrepreneur, a lone wolf, a freelance writer.
To be continued…
I guess it’s a saying; the power of the shower. It means that you have the best ideas when relaxing in the shower. It happened to me this morning again and I started wondering, especially since I had read the headlines of this article (Dutch – de Volkskrant), but not read the whole thing through.
I had my own analysis of course. I thought it had to do with relaxation on the one hand, because when you relax, you allow your brain to let itself fall into place. On the other hand, I thought that the warmth is a good stimulation, because warmth makes you feel more relaxed and more loved. Well, that last one is a bit of a far fetched idea, but people that hug more often are more relaxed and are happier. People who are single, are somewhat disadvantaged, but can solve this by showering warmer from time to time or visit a masseur. So, well, yes. So far from scientific research.
The researcher in the article said (and I quote): to be creative our brain has to rewire and make new connections between the different parts of memory. That happens spontaneously and especially when we come to rest (I knew it!). So that’s where showering comes in. It might be the only place in the house and the only time of the day when we are not bombarded with information. But the researcher also says that we have to do some labor beforehand. So work hard the day before. Get a good nights rest (I knew it!). And get that relaxing shower in the morning. Surely, a run can work too, but I prefer showering.
So this morning I came up with the idea for the preface I am writing for a book I edited (oh yes!), which is due soon, so I am thankful. The book is written by a smart writer, I need to write a clever preface. Finally it struck me this morning. Yes, while being in the shower.
You know what is the most difficult for us all? It’s not death, break-up and heartbreak. It’s change. It’s dealing with situations we are not accustomed to. It’s dealing with people disappearing from our lives. It’s dealing with arguments you never had before. And change can be used to be more creative, but when it’s too much, we become frozen. I have become frozen.
Or, I am unfreezing as we speak. I need an fierce argument, a fight, a devastating heartbreak for me to change. To look at things from a clear and untroubled perspective. A perspective where the love for me grows and the relations are set on a new standard. In this progress I forget all that is really important. Like the loving actions from my friends. Like birthdays, even though they tell me it’s okay. It’s not okay, in fact. It’s heartbreaking for me, to realize that the people that obviously have the best interest are forgotten by me.
Not that the other person I had the argument with is against me, is fighting me, but I have changed. Our relationship changes with me. And that’s difficult for me. It’s consuming. It’s only since yesterday (after almost a week) that I can truly say, I see the love again. The love that is in my life. The voice of love that lives inside me. The steps I have to take to become more loving. I can hate when I am consumed. I am in a dark place. But that’s not the real thing.
Change is a bitch. It bites you in the ass if you don’t watch yourself. Actually, art, creativity, doing stuff with your hands bring you back to the here and now. It’s not a miracle work, it doesn’t happen in the first minutes once you have started painting, writing (as I am doing now) and dancing. It might takes a few days, but once it comes, I am crying and laughing at the same time. It’s coming, I can feel it. Change is a bitch, only if you let it happen. Change can be a blessing too.
Once you have finished one thing, there is room for another.
That’s from me, to myself. I am starting too many little projects. Loads of new websites and blogs. Make one complete first, before you start on another. Go.
It is funny how me and a friend of mine had this conversation about dozing off. In the end of our twenties and the beginning of our thirties a lot of us doubt. No, I don’t want to generalize, because every situation is different. Some go into therapy. Some break off relationships. Others have babies. What we are thinking is: is this all there is?
We don’t want to become numb, dozed off, dead before we hit the ground. Do we move? Do we party like there is no tomorrow? Do we quite our jobs? Do we take on a different lover? Because we are afraid that when we stop noticing and go into the automatic mode we wake up one day and see that we have settled. Settled for all there is right now, what feels familiar.
Do we break free?*
Or as the Dutch band Doe Maar sang in 1982:
We are like a piece in thirteen pieces
In the end we are all fucked
We live true the life of so many
I want something more, I want a bit loose
*the answer, my friend, is yes